Overheard at shop counters

As somebody who can neither picture not recall juicy information, I live in a ‘Goss’ free world. I can not link the names to faces of school mates, co-workers or townies after a year or two. I have no idea what the terminology is for such localised memory loss, it impacts little on life except for the desire for a photo fit to accompany all such knowledge. Despite this I find myself hanging closer to the counter in the local shops picking up juicy nuggets that will lose relevance before ever I get to pass them on.

Today’s drama unfolded between the employee’s of a charity shop and a customer, centring on the scandalous treatment of her child, being forced to sit next to a child with head lice. I caught enough to understand that the teacher was warned in no uncertain terms that if her child was ‘forced’ to sit next to this unfortunate kid then she would take her child out of school. The customer agreed whole heartedly, I left quickly.

Perhaps this is indicative of the state of the Irish Psyche, I hope not most evidence points elsewhere. The policy seems by and large to blame the victim, punish them, remind them of flaws instead of getting proactive or confronting the real problem.

The real problems here are not one child’s neglect, but a widespread attitude that problems must be dealt with through the path of least resistance. Instead of demanding equality of outcome in schools we demand something for our own child, I’m sorry if the other kid gets bypassed, that’s the sink or swim mentality. Its educational Darwinism .

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the oft cited pyramid upon which we would
like to build happy and fulfilled lives is sometimes overlooked in terms of children. Its as if they exist in stasis until they emerge from education into society where we can ascribe value and meaning to their lives as ‘productive’ people. But we all have these needs, the basic need ignored by successive governments in Ireland which has a child poverty level of 1 in every 6. While this may be localised in some schools translating as two children in a class of 35, in other schools it can be most of the class.

I spoke to a SNA once who said she was called into the principal’s office and told to stop buying buttered rolls for certain children at lunch time, both of them knew that these children came to school without breakfast and with no lunch. One acted, on a minimum wage, the other ignored it. The reason given by the principal was that it wasn’t fair on the other children.

I counselled her to continue and if it came to another ‘word in the office’ I would ask for the order in writing and signed. No human would put their name to an order like that. The problem is that the concept of Fairness has become polluted, fairness does not mean that we all get the same thing, it means that we get what we need. To each according to their needs.

The child needs help, if we look at it through Maslow’s methodology then we need to start with the very basics , it needs its hair washed, a clean set of clothes, food in its belly. How would you even think about learning if those things were not in place?If we as a developed and progressive society cant provide that then we really don’t have a future.

That woman was punishing the child when she should have been punishing the system, the child cant help it, ostracising her is only sweeping it under the rug.

Poverty is just a phase

The gas ran out during cooking dinner, I stabbed the chopping board in frustration, when your strapped dramatic gestures like throwing your half cooked rigatoni arrabiatta on the floor are ill advised. I spent the morning reading the TASC report on who really took a hit in the Budget and how stats. mask the reality of poverty and suddenly I swung from being broke to being broke and hungry.

Ive managed very well for the last two weeks on very little, we have stocked up on veg and I have been experimenting with recipes and the spice rack with mixed results, all the while hoping my overdraft was repairing itself with my €250 a week trickling in to sooth its belly. In fact when I dared use it to buy some much needed groceries (€26.34)I was hugely relieved it went through. As the transaction approved message appeared I pictured a huge room full of people, like Nasa's control centre, jumping up and shouting 'Yeah' guys high fiving one another and women with their hair in tight buns wiping little tears of joy from behind spectacles. Somewhere bankers were celebrating, I would always love them, no matter what I said. Ours was an unshakable bond.
So a furious search of all chairs, pockets and copper jars finally yielded €29 to buy a bottle of gas. Dinner was served, at a cost of €5 for three of us, the tears shed in frustration earlier adding to flavour. Curiosity drove me out into the fog with a hound to check my bank balance in secret, confident that it would be repaired to the tune of €400 at least. I walked because there is no diesel in the car, and I was secretly hoping to reward myself with a little Fry's chocolate creme, we've been apart a while.
The overdraft is in exactly the condition it was two weeks ago, my loan and the broadband came out of it. It doesn't matter how often you see that

Available to Withdraw :€ 0.00

It never ceases to make you feel like a failure. No chocolate for you!

I am supposed to go back to college on Monday, I don't know how right now, a distinct lack of diesel may have me siphoning off the neighbours over the weekend. Perhaps a more noble pursuit now would be dropping out and getting a job.

My son came home with a school tour brochure the other day, it takes them to France next October. The price of this 5 day excursion featuring two ferries and a 'local' bus company? €470 euro per head and meals are not included (suggestion of €200 to cover food was made). We have not had a holiday in 5 years, and I guess you don't miss what you cant afford, but that is by all accounts an astronomical amount for a few days arsing around Paris. I have always made sure he has what he needs in life, Ive never let the lack of a second parent prevent him from any pursuit that may benefit or develop him. And given his difficulties in mixing and coping with secondary I don't want him to miss out on a social outing. I'm supposed to have a deposit of €150 by Monday. The killer line was when he came running back into the kitchen where I sat trying to wrack my brain for money making ideas and said

"Mam, do you have any gold?"

Blind sided?

I am not a Sandra Bullock fan, let me rephrase that.I am not a fan of her movies, I sat through The Proposal in a failed attempt at female bonding and despaired at its lack of originality or plot.

The Blind Side however sees her portray a NRA, Bible thumping, non swearing, super white republican soccer mom. Whats not to love?

Having tried to watch Precious, the over touted story of an overweight and illiterate teen struggling with poverty and incest in 1980's New York (which features a stunning performance from Maria Carey, in which she maintains the same facial expression for ever increasing lengths of time, obviously those lessons from Stephen Segal are paying off). I ended up powering through it with one finger on fast forward. So I had no high expectations for The Blind Side.

The story corners in on Michael Ore a semi illiterate and homeless young man with a troubled past, who by chance encounters the Touhys, a upper middle class well heeled couple with 2 children, a large house in the suburbs and little or no experience of how the other half live. By all accounts this film should have been schmaltzy, nice white folk look after poor coloured boy, triumph ensues....
But that's not what this film is, its a poignant and honest look at the difficulties and potential within so many kids who are passed from school to school or care worker to care worker in the ever increasing but continually underfunded social care sector. Bullock does a good job of playing the mom, with a level of snappiness and compassion unseen in previous roles, perhaps her agents will start finding her better films in future.
While the trailer makes it look like a sports movie, don't let that put you off, its far from it. Michael Ore says little throughout the film but speaks volumes in his presence, Quinton Aaron makes the role his own, his slowly developing trust and comfort within the family makes this film utterly enjoyable. This film is touching but never preachy, it doesn't pluck at heart strings so much as massage them, it reminds you why and where the kids with problems came from and why we are all responsible for them.


Recommendation: a film the whole family can watch that isn't made by Pixar!

Can Jason Reitman Make a bad film?

Jason Reitmans' daddy may have brought us Ghostbusters in the 80's but Jr.'s films to date have been nothing short of impressive. The latest offering sees George Clooney at his best as he has proven time and time again under the tutelage of the Coen brothers, comedy is where George shines. From the beautiful Oh Brother Where Art Thou to Burn After Reading, George delivers charm and wit. Watching him try to maintain a straight face when asking Ewan McGreggor if he had ever heard of a Jedi was one of the stand out moments of 2009 cinema. (The Men Who Stare at Goats)

Up in The Air

The film centres on George as a 'corporate downsizing executive'. In other words he does the dirty work of firing people who become a burden to the corporations that need to dispose of their human capital.

Unburdened with ties or relationships he is lumbered with a protege, and through the film reconnects with some aspects of life which he has purposely ignored or suppressed.

Its hard to talk about this film in terms of what it lacks, it has depth, heart, characters that you hate and grow to love, its not afraid to turn around and bite you when think you know how its going to turn out either.

Reitmans previous offerings include Juno and Thank you for Smoking. While Juno's indie appeal reached a mass audience Thank You for Smoking(2005) is a gem few have discovered, Aaron Eckhart shines as the incorrigible Nick Naylor a lobbyist for big tobacco in the US. As with all Reitmans films the hero is fallible, and in the end their inner determination and repose sees them emerge, not so much changed but enhanced.

If you like or think you would like Thank you for Smoking, then Armando Iannucci's 2009 In the Loop will appeal even more to those of us closer to Berlin than Boston, its funny as hell and has more complex strings of swear words you will ever hear, it raises profanity to an art form. Not suitable for those among us who spell out swear words even when the kids are not around.


Recommendation : It drops you from 30,000 feet but cushions the landing! See it today!

Them Bones, them bones

Oscar season is upon us, roll up the the glittery and the botoxed to listen to James Cameron accept ALL the awards.
For the next few days I'll run you through the films you might want to see or avoid in the coming month as the cinema becomes the only social outlet worth your pocket money (Fags, Drink, Chocolate and Beer still managing to maintain their hold on our guilt strings)

1: The Lovely Bones

There are many books that should never have been filmed, but for each bad book adaptation there are a dozen Gamers that should never have never have offended my hard drive with their presence. I was excited to hear of this adaptation, but as a book it evoked such personalised emotions and images that I had trouble imagining it. Just as the Catcher has never been filmed, somethings are best left your mind. Heathcliff was never Ralph Fiennes when I read Wuthering Heights, Sinead O'Connor did not appear as the mother of Jesus in the butcher boy. Let me also situate myself as the kind of person who cries over the Barrys Tea adverts at Christmas so I tend to avoid 'weepies'. The idea of going to see a film specifically designed to make you cry for an hour is anathema to me. If I want to cry Ill open my bank statements instead of hiding them behind the radiator.


Despite the fact that I blubbed through the book I was looking forward to this emotional heart tug, unfortunately Peter Jackson got lost down the rabbit hole on this one. The Lovely Bones it seems was a foolhardy foray for the good lord of middle earth. Somewhere along the line he decided to make this film about the murder, about catching the killer, about vengeance.
While these are all subtexts in the film they are not the crux of the tale. To me the book was all about the breakdown of Susie's parents' marriage and the building of new lives for the family and friends left in the wake. In Peters' quest to adapt the book to screen he has left out what gave the book its heart, the lovely bones themselves. These are the relationships and lives that grew around her demise.

While everyone who has read the book will find something that personally touched them missing in this film. For me it was the death of Susie's dog years after her own murder which led to them being reunited in her 'heaven'. Much will be made of the stunning visuals in Suzie's heaven but they came at a price, whats imagined and personal is more powerful than anything yet shown.

If your still convinced that sad films are for you then look no further than The Road, its unrelentingly sombre, the ochre tones remind of us how fragile life in all its forms is, in fact watching it feels like you've gone ten rounds with Tyson. The book delivers blow after blow to the reader and Vigo is once again exceptional as the father who loves his son enough to teach him how to put a gun to his head. It leaves you with more questions than answers, a film you never want to see again but somehow need to watch.

Recommendation : Buy the Lovely Bones, read it, then give it to somebody you love. Watch The Road instead but consider yourself warned.

And Justice for all?

I used to love Metallica, I was that tight jeans and t-shirt wearing teen...fear me...and my dodgy eyeliner. I would shake dandruff to and Justice for all, knowing nothing about anything and caring oh so very much about it. Watching Vincent Browne as always bring a little glow of righteousness to the voiceless among us. Having V.B. carve politicians like Gordon Ramsey closing in for the kill on a dirty fridge brings a Wednesday night smile my face.
Tonight's odd ball panel brought a former supreme court judge to the panel.When quizzed about the necessity of somebody to serve the judges dinner and fetch the good lord his scented toilet roll the good lord chief justice said it was perfectly justified (sic.) to spent €200,000 on chauffeurs for judges. The reason given was that if they were subject to the same driving restrictions and penalties as the rest of us that would make a mockery of the system! You couldn't imagine a Judge being done for speeding...drunk driving....in other words, Judges must be protected from themselves.
It doesn't take a socialist to make sense of this statement: that money would pay for 200 SNA's for children in schools, the possibilities for that money are endless in terms of training throughout many of the much needed systems and services in sickeningly underfunded public services sector. The fact that the former judges justifies in terms of the potential offences that the judge is averse to when the rest of us take for those same rules for granted i.e. don't get drunk and drive, don't speed, don't worry. The wages of such judges are €262,983 (OMG!!!), possibly enough to afford a taxi?

On another slightly dafter bend, the court sketch artist covering the murder trial of Celine Cawley featured a picture drawn of the woman whom the accused was having an affair with. I suggest anybody with even a passing interest in portraiture or charactacture to have a look at the pictures produced of this unfortunate woman, it lies somewhere between Picasso and Lowry, the head being horribly distorted, somehow Angelina Jolie's mouth has appeared on a shrunken head. No Gardai or court representatives were available to comment on why this witness has been given such protection, being ushered in to the four courts through secret tunnels and labyrinths to protect her image. I'm now more curious than ever to see what she looks like, something the editors of tabloids are no doubt pulling each others hair over as we speak.
In the spirit of 'Jobsearch 2010 - getting money in the Barbarians pocket' I put forth my services. I can do very accurate Garfield type interpretations of persons, my 5th class teacher will testify to my accuracy in individual interpretation.

Just enough to get by

Sending your kid into the jaws of secondary school is a daunting mission, doing it when your kids got a learning difficulty doubles it. I just got the first report home, as I spend more time on his homework than he does I knew what to expect, subjects that I bid good riddance to years ago have come unbidden once again to my kitchen table. Weekend mind mapping sessions and a printing budget to rival a government department have secured a handful of B’s and C’s, his obvious Visio spatial talents have shone with A’s in some subjects. But the unfortunately placed English grade at the top with its computer generated comment has me calling for ‘serenity now’.

There are many shortcomings in the use of technology in schools, I could write all day about it, but one of the few that most parents are accustomed to is the ‘comments’ section of report cards. A list of comments from ‘great student, tries hard’ to ‘shows lack of commitment to study’ allow teachers to input a number and generate a comment, in most schools there is no option for individualised comments. The comment the English teacher used for my sons work to date?

‘Does just enough to get by’

The picture above is called a Necker cube, it is oft used as an example of human perceptual ability, you see it either facing up or facing down, but no matter how hard you stare at it, you cannot see both states simultaneously. I use it to illustrate the problems we have in actually seeing things from more than one side, on first viewing you see it as it is, your perception shapes reality, when your told to do so you see another, and it is this mismatch between what you see and what you believe to be that brings me back to this comment. As we develop our perception of the world is shaped and coloured by our experiences, so for many of us who grew up reading with ease trying to see things through the eyes of a dyslexic or child with learning difficulties presents us with problems, we can sympathise but can we really empathise?

Empathy requires experience, and unfortunately there is a definite lack of experience of learning difficulties for those teaching, parenting and caring for our kids. Richard Lavoies’ fear, anxiety, and tension workshops in the states in the 1970’s became part of the curriculum for teachers right up to today. A former principal and teacher in a residential school for children with learning difficulties councils that all teachers must have an educational philosophy, and that a top down approach is crucial in schools when it comes to full equality. He is an avid proponent of the importance of teaching social skills to children with learning difficulties. He draws heavily from the work of Mel Levine, his book All kinds of Minds offers much for those hoping to draw from this well. What both of these men have shown through workshops and publications is that we cannot walk a mile in our kids shoes, unless we have first hand experience of staring at a page looking for answers when the script is Arabic and we don’t understand the question.

Just enough to get by can be twice and three times what the other child in the class does.

Just enough to get by is a thirteen year old child who fears more than anything that the kids in the class will find out he is different.

Just enough to get by is two and a half hours homework every night when others are doing twenty minutes.

Just enough to get by is praying through class that he dosent get called on.

Just enough to get by cries at home because his answers aren’t as good as the other kids.

Just enough to get by is not my son, parent teacher meeting next Monday...ding ding.

Another day another

Putting your bank card in the machine and asking for twenty euro is about as close to a religious experience as I can count on. When I attempted said leap of faith last night I was greeted by the 'Insufficient Funds' message, depressing, not least because it means my vastly over inflated overdraft facility which I increased and increased over the noughties is at bursting point.
Knowing I have to wait till Thursday when the sum of 250 will be swallowed whole by the spoilt brat that is my overdraft, all the time demanding further recompense, its insatiable appetite not met by my lack of wage.

Getting to sleep was hard, what do you tell yourself when your facing into your 35th year and you are still worrying about putting food on the table? I spent the sleepless time mentally cataloguing the meat in the freezer and wondering if we owned anything else that could be sold. A strict policy of momentary living and lack of forward planning seems to be the fundamental problem. But when you don't earn much how do you plan ahead.

In an effort to improve my situation I have returned to college, my years of conviction that a degree was not a prerequisite to employment have been tamed by the joy of working for and under people whose position I never envied nor wanted to emulate. But due to higher powers inactivity a clerical error lengthened my 3 years degree to 4, but whats another of year?

Another year is no mean feat, the mortgage still demands blood. Now if I can only travel the hour to and from college in my 13 year old car, raise a kid, feed everything that lives here for under 230 a week we will be fine. I have fruitlessly pimped myself at the doors and emails of voluntary organisations, pizzerias and cleaners to no avail. Apparently I am over qualified despite not being technically qualified for many posts. Although if I returned to being a barmaid now I would spend my time ushering folks home to their families or AA meetings. Perhaps it is not the position but a shift in focus that is required. I have through various jobs and positions realised that people who have money are in general better at holding onto it, and Im not even taking the Bono into account here.

There have been many such folk over the years, like the couple with the newly built 6 bed mansion who I spent 5 days painting a venetian scene onto their dining room wall who balked at a 200 euro price tag.( I have always under priced work, I'm a bad Capitalist) saying I didn't paint all the individual strings on the lyre in one of the characters hand.
Or the School principle who said I should come in and sit in the staff room unoccupied from 9-4 even if my charge was absent due to illness, I said my days off were valuable to me (I could sometimes get a days painting gig) he commiserated that he too valued his days off. ( He earned 5 times my wage and spent such days working on his handicap). It wasn't the attendance that bothered me, it was the aimlessness, the option of sitting anywhere and doing nothing is hardly an option.
Which brings me quiet sweetly back to my current predicament, its not the money its the aimlessness, the lack of function, a reason d'etre. I have much to offer, brains, commitment and quips, I have little regard for compensation (once again underpricing myself) a sandwich board perhaps is in order.

Tortured Artist? One can only wish...

Lets start by picking at wounds. Its too early, I know, but demonstrations of restraint and moral fortitude have never been the hallmarks of Irish politics. Bertie, that innocuous, anorak wearing wolf in sheep's wording, is hence forth to be known as an Artist.
In yet another brazen move into territories previously unsullied by his creeping Jesus, we now have to allow him access to the group 'Artist'
The land of Saints and Scholars has a new member, lets think fondly of him and immediately bring him to mind when we hear the word Artist, lets work on priming this shall we?
Repeat, and continue to do so until the light appears....
Jack B. Yeats : Bertie
Brendan Behan : Bertie
Francis Bacon : Bertie
Seamus Heaney : Bertie
James Joyce : Be.........
...........I'm sorry I cant do it, its just a leap too far....