What does A Stand for?

I've driven vans in the past, big powerful diesel monsters that taught me to value wing mirrors and curse small parking spaces.Nothing could have prepared me for the power trip that was buying and driving a Dodge GMC.Wanda III is pictured here, in all her 80's glory. Feeling 5.5 litres powering a V6 at the tap of a pedal, gears were for fools, this was not so much a van as a time machine, decorated with mirror ball and strip lights I was a king and this was my very, very fast castle. Me and Wanda III parted company last year, but the promise of an A Team movie featuring Wandas cousin had me come over all girly. The Dodge van was always the fifth member of the A Team for me.

The A Team holds a very special place in our hearts, it was a taste of the US that we Irish kids longed for, 4 guys against the world, and nobody got hurt. I always liked the improvisational nature of the teams exploits, seeing them transform a forklift into a battering ram struck a chord with a kid who never had the materials for Mary Kingstons Saturday morning art projects and always had to improvise.

The A Team movie should be a film I'm happy to bring my child to see, but this holds nothing new and nothing of interest.It only reminds us thirtysomethings of lost innocence. There are many elements that one could leave in the 80's and not loose the core of the story. Sexism would be one of the 80's leftovers that you hoped the film would abandon, I dare say that the team could even have been updated to include a female member, but that's just wishful thinking.

The film flounders through set pieces, the set up, the fall from grace and the struggle to regain their name, nothing that the TV show didint do week on week. If you have sat through the TV show of late then you know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you realise all the flaws, plot holes and silliness that you blissfully ignored as a child. You cannot however, in your 30's gleefully abandon reason. The plot treats the viewer like like they are still a prepubescent child and even includes explanations along the way in case you have forgotten the start of the film, twenty minutes ago. The team itself is right, they work well and are likable but the story is an insult to the viewer. When freight containers rain down on the team I found myself wishing they would squish them.

Another major problem is the distict lack of women, something hollywood continues to support with women as set dressing rather than characters in 'blockbuster' titles. Jessica Biel, who plays Capt. Charisa Sosa is the only female character in the movie, she is referred to as Babe, Hot or Sweetheart at every available opportunity. Her sole purpose seems to be to turn up looking 'hot' to explain the simple plot to the simple viewer, all this in 5 inch heels, army issue. I suppose she could never have driven the van in those heels.