Research

Research is a lot like driving to a destination in the middle of the night, you have an idea of where you are supposed to go but at every cross roads you meet you are presented with a bewildering choice of roads. Some roads look easier and you take them until you find they lead to the same winding hairpin turns getting infinitely harder to negotiate or find a place to pull a 3 point turn in. You’ve been on these roads, boreens where the next gate seems to be an eternity away and your exhaust scrapes noisily over the raised ridge in the middle of the road, avoiding the craters that are statistical analysis and potential confounds.

Another cross roads leads you in a seemingly straight direction but quickly descends into Silverstone; in the wet. I am not only in search of answers I am in search of a question. I feel the pull of discovery but am overwhelmed by the lifetimes of work already out there. When my supervisor asked me what I want in life I said I wanted to make things better, I wanted to help people. I said that the clinical was the route to that. She said I would fix small things and then throw them back into an unfair system. I couldn’t argue with that. She suggested that proof will cause change. Shaking an angry fist is not as useful as a fist full of proof. Ill get that fist full of proof, just as soon as I find the right road.

So here I go its its dark, I got a full tank, a pack of cigarettes and Im wearing shades.